The words we use in our speech
The words we listen to from others speech,
from the movies we watch,
the books we read,
the music we hear
The thoughts in our heads
The words that come to mind from our emotions
ALL of this shapes our reality
Moreover…
It’s the words we FOCUS on
Not necessarily the words that were spoken
Our past and present reality, our hearing, continues to shape our future
Our inner judge, some call it our inner critic, I believe she is our inner child trying to protect us from day 1, she is always with us.
And she/he is always trying to keep us safe. But her methods are anything but compassionate and kind– she tries to be sneaky and pretend to be loving in my case– but nonetheless she is a QUEEN of COMPARISON and a FIERCE critic
And I am never GOOD enough, she continues to point out to me that I am doing things just shy of perfect. ( THANKS, mom and dad for always asking me where the extra point was when I got a 99 rather than a 100 on a test)
And so for much of my life I have been driven to IMPROVE myself (YAY, that’s great but it came at a cost–the cost of always seeing where I didn’t measure up to my standards or always noticing there was more to be done, more to be learned, more to achieve– for years living in the GAP ( where I wanted to be and had not yet attained) rather than celebrating the GAINS ( what I had done and achieved)
always striving for 100%,( which of course is IMPOSSIBLE)
always striving to “WIN” at life ( and always seeing myself in the top tier, but never on top)
The DOPAMINE hits coming and going as fast as the blink of an eye
RACING through my life at race car speed.
But if I am the only me that ever existed and ever will–how can I not be the perfect version of me??
Who can I really compare myself to? THere is no one quite like me.
Indeed !! IMPOSSIBLE!! Is possible because
I AM POSSIBLE
And therefore, isn’t my life MINE for the designing and if I choose to believe everything I do is FOR me and for MY good, then I AM living the perfect life. MY PERFECT LIFE.
And all the twists and turns, the disappointments and the struggles were all perfectly placed as obstacles in my way so that now, at age 60+, I can WAKE up
I can really CELEBRATE me
AND if I can CELEBRATE me and know that I am perfectly IMPERFECT and imperfectly PERFECT–then I CAN CELEBRATE you too for BEING YOU–
AND ENCOURAGE AND CHEER YOU ON for BEING you, just as you are
So
My dreams
My goals
Should all be directed and designed for MY PLEASURE, for MY PURPOSE, for MY MOVIE
Then, when I am old and reviewing my life from the rearview mirror, I get to relive all those amazing moments of my life.
And with hindsight, I may actually be able to see the foreshadowing, the hills and valleys, the roller coaster ups and downs, the repetitions that were so necessary because I never seemed to learn my life lessons the first time through, but rather I needed practice over and over again so that I would “GET IT” –the ah-ah lesson–but I digress
I now KNOW without a doubt, MY LIFE IS MINE TO DESIGN AND LIVE FOR MY VIEWING but—–those with power and LOUDER voices have told us–for MILLENIA— HOW to live OUR life.
CONFORMITY AND COMPARISON has been the CONTROLLING mechanism to keep all people stuck in a life that isn’t necessarily of our own choosing.
Women have been taught for millenia–their ROLE is to grow up and be a wife and a mother.
Anything else, and they are LESS than.
Once we entered the workplace, the debates raged whether it was best to stay home and raise our own children or stay in the marketplace to make money to care for our children.
Some women had the luxury to make this CHOICE, and others were COERCED to do one or the other–and either way we women Continued to COMPARE ourselves to the other– often coming up short.
We all have been CONDITIONED to believe that living ALONE is less than.
We NEED another to make us whole. ( of course for women, this was essential because if we were not a wife or mother, we were of lowly status)
And yet, there were plenty of women in society who chose a different path… in fact some of those women were the ONLY women who had POWER over their own money…
Some of these women were the ONLY women who found a way to be EDUCATED.
Some of these women were the ONLY women who CHANGED society
We have been taught to PLEASE others before ourselves, that women are NURTURING beings, and putting our needs first was SELFISH.
SELF-CARE is a NOVEL and NEW concept in womens CIRCLES today.
Why am I writing about this?
I’ve been on a quest to decide how my act 3 is supposed to look.
I’ve been on a quest to decide how to live MY life.
It’s always been MY Life and yet decisions were often made with the voices of my parents and others in my head.
I became a doctor like my father.
I became a wife and mother like my own mother.
I put my spouse’s career aspirations above my own, because my most important “JOB” was nurturing my children.
I put my patient’s needs before my own, not knowing how to have boundaries ( even on vacations, I was contacting the office and patients believing that was my DUTY) I have not turned off that ONCALL emergency phone ever.
I left ACADEMIC medicine because I feared the politics and demands would affect my motherhood.
But not having a mentor and knowledge about running a business wasn’t the easiest way to start, run or build a business.
And so the politics and demands of running my own business affected my motherhood.
I read about finding my NICHE… I read that I need a niche to be SUCCESSFUL in a career ( translate to make more money and be more prominent)…but I could never find my NICHE.. And so I heard for many years, that was my downfall, my failure, my inability to have the “successful” large practice making millions.
I kept searching for me and my niche.
I kept curious for the next best thing.
AND I KEPT COMPARING MYSELF to others and coming up short.
I recently listened to an AMAZING audiobook
AND it talks about historical family wounds that play out in the future–it mentions MOTHER wounds from separation between mother and child in early life ( and of course, I apologized to my children, because perhaps the 12 hour ICU stay for meconium and the fact I went back to work soon after their birth ( 2-6 weeks) has affected their psyche… I compared myself to others– and I couldn’t be the BEST mother, because I wanted a career as well as a family.
And so I continued to do what I do best– LEARNING and staying CURIOUS
I am always reading
I am always learning
I am always investigating and seeing things in a different light, from a different angle
So much so that one day last year, my eyes found a way to see the light talons that emanate beyond my fingers–these colorful rays of light from our personal electromagnetic field that radiate way beyond our physical form.
Was it a shadow?
No
Was it a one time occurrence?
No
Does the light seem brighter and fuller or longer at times?
Yes
Am I crazy?
Maybe, but I believe this is a superpower and as I play with it, and it gets stronger,
At rare times, I can see the aura around people and trees.
My reality is NOW very different.
When I say to people we are both energy and matter simultaneously, I don’t just know this logically from Einstein’s equation E=Mc2, I know this from my own EXPERIENCE.
What I also learned over the last 15 years of SELF REFLECTION
OF CURIOSITY
By EXPANDING MY KNOWLEDGE of the HEALING ARTS
I am DOING MY LIFE exactly as I am supposed to
I have grown myself into a MULTIDIMENSIONAL HEALER
I am no longer a cookie cutter physician
I can be a COACH but I will also always be a PHYSICIAN
My NICHE is ME
And since I am you and you are ME
MY NICHE is my REFLECTION
MY NICHE IS CARING FOR WOMEN
Caring for your thoughts
Caring for your emotions
Caring for your body
Caring for your energy body ( your connections to self, to other, to circumstances and to the ENERGY AND PLEASURE of LIFE itself)
I am here to LISTEN TO YOU
I am here to HELP You notice your THOUGHTS and help you ensure they are working FOR you not against you. I am here to remind you to stop comparing yourself to other and to celebrate you for BEING you and to encourage you to be the best version of YOU for yourself
I am here to AID you in FEELING all your emotions ( this is your heart) and teaching amazing tools to ALCHEMIZE emotions so that ALL EMOTIONS help you raise your VIBRATIONAL BEING. THere are no negative or positive emotions; that’s comparison language.
ALL EMOTIONS are is: ENERGY IN MOTION and proof we are HUMANS who FEEL.
And we FEEL first and then we THINK. So emotions can be felt and transformed –pain can be converted into pleasure or purpose and in so doing can be REGENERATIVE to our energy stores. Pain can be UTILIZED to help us sprout new roots and new branches so we can be a stronger, more resilient individual.
I am here to remind you to refill your ENERGY reserves daily. PLEASURE is of course Pleasure but this too needs to be utilized in a deeper way to relax our nervous system so we can REPAIR our bodies and stay healthier. We need 8 positives to balance 1 negative, so it is our duty & our work, to schedule PLEASURE into our lives for that reparative function. It is not perfunctory or an addon to life, it is REQUIRED for a healthy sustainable life. Although, i move at a speed faster than most, I also need my DOWNTIME, my PLAY time
I am here, also, to help you make sense of your PHYSICAL Body so that you can choose activities and ways of BEING in the world that bring out the best version of you so you are in alignment MIND HEART AND ENERGY–if you are aligned with yourself, the nervous system is likely more relaxed and your body ( which includes HUMAN AND BACTERIA AND VIRUS DNA) can work symbiotically for your best health. And when out of alignment, if DIS-EASE occurs, how can we stay present in the now and live WELL even if we harbor an ILLNESS.
MY NICHE
MY GOAL
MY MISSION
Is to help myself and you
RE-MEMBER yourself back to WHOLENESS
And
REMEMBER that LIFE IS LIVED IN THE NOW
TRUST always that if I am breathing, I am alive, and all is okay.
Stay always in the PRESENT
Because LIFE is a GIFT!!
